He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
