Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
