Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
