Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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