Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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