I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
