The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
