i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
