I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
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I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
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Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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