to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
