evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
