I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
