I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
