yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
