I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
