i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
