i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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