youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
