Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
