I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
