I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
