Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
