Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
