You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
