Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
