some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Well I just put wine in my tea
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
