The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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