He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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