Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
