Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
