That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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