Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
