I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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