i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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