I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
