garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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