Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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