Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
youre lurking in front of me
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
