3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He better not be in your backpack
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
