well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
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Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
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He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas