It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.