U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?