At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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