I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
