it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i think my mom watched the whole time
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
