im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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