I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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