remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
