ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
