if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
