a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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