I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
