Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
