people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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