I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
