Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
