seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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