I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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