:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize