I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
