She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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