I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
